blind, deaf too
by emily.down
Summary: Takes place at the end of episode 3x12. Stefan takes a fall after Elena's confession. Bonnie catches him. Slightly AU-ish. R&R.


The candles were burning brightly around the empty room, enveloping it in an aura of warmth and security. The room itself was far from inspiring such happy feelings, but with no ominous coffins lying about, there was a certain relief in the air, as if the magic within could finally be free.

Bonnie's head was throbbing painfully from the anger and disappointment of the night's events. She had never meant for things to get so out of control from one visit to her mother's, but at the same time, she had wanted to believe for one moment that she would come back and help her, that the coffins wouldn't be completely lost, that together they'd be able to open the last one, that her work wouldn't go to waste. Cynicism had proven her right again. Even if she had seen a flicker of hope in her mother's eyes, even if she had felt the sincerity in her last words, there was no way she could trust her and there was no way that Abby Bennett could ever, truly help her.

Maybe she had known it all along. Maybe she had known it the minute she had dreamt it. But she hadn't felt like acknowledging it from the get-go, because she had always needed a strong enough reason to finally brave out a meeting with her mother. And she had got just that, much to her dismay.

She was alone again, alone but strong, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

She stepped further into the room and shut her eyes, feeling the surge of energy move from her fingertips to all the corners of the room.

"Too late, Bonnie."

She snapped her eyes open. The voice was coming from behind an overthrown chair.

Stefan Salvatore was sitting on a bundle of old boxes, his feet dangling absently in the air and playing with the legs of the chair as he held a bottle of whiskey to his mouth.

"What are you doing here?" Bonnie asked, more surprised at his apparel than the fact that he was there. He looked very different from the vampire she'd spoken to in the morning; he seemed so defeated now and small. It was almost pitiable.

"Having my own get-together with your ancestors, isn't it obvious?" Stefan slurred, as he held up the bottle.

Bonnie sighed internally. Great, he was drunk too.

"I know things turned out for the worst today, but this isn't the way to cope with it."

Stefan snorted. "I'm not coping, I'm... trying to look at things objectively. You lose some, you win some."

"That hardly sounds objective to me. And we haven't lost, Stefan. Klaus may have recovered part of his family, but the last coffin is still ours."

Stefan looked up with a glint of interest in his eyes.

"Damon called me –" she explained.

"Ah, my big brother, on duty as always," Stefan chortled bitterly.

"Yes, he told me how he tricked Klaus..."

"Of course he did. Couldn't wait to share the good news. Couldn't wait to tell you how he'd done it again, how he'd _saved_ the day," he spat in anger.

Bonnie frowned.

"You're angry he did what you told him to? It was _your_ plan, Stefan."

"But don't you see, Bonnie? I've stopped running the show a long time ago. Damon's the big hero this town needs now. I'm only here to take revenge, but he's here to make sacrifices for the ones he loves. How the tables have turned. But hey, I sound like a dick, don't I? I should be happy for him. After all, I've always wanted him to turn around," he said, smiling crookedly.

"Okay, you're not being yourself, you're drunk…and you're obviously pissed at Damon," Bonnie said, stepping up to him. "You need to put the bottle down and get some rest. You've had a long day."

"So have you. Meeting with mom-witch from hell," Stefan said playfully.

"Your humor has never been your strong suit and it isn't any better now," Bonnie replied, rolling her eyes. "Come on, you've had enough. Give me the bottle."

"I'd barely started…"

"Stefan."

"No. I don't feel like it. Let go," he muttered childishly.

"Come on, don't be difficult, you're not like this-"

"And how would you know?" he asked, a bit louder than intended.

"You're not reckless. Sure you get crazy, but you've got better stuff to do."

"What about you?" he drawled. "Don't you have better _stuff_ to do? Like playing with your spell-book? Or opening that damn coffin? Or whatever it is that you do to fill your time? I mean now that mommy can't help anymore…"

Bonnie glared. "I suppose I don't have anything _better_ to do now, but yeah I am working on that, you ungrateful bastard."

"Ouch," Stefan mumbled, squinting. "I would beg to differ. I'm a most _grateful_ bastard."

"Oh, shut up. I know you're hurting. You're barely holding in your tears. You're just a big mess," she said, staring at his bleary eyes.

Stefan blinked fast and shook his head in anger, pressing one hand to his forehead.

"What tears Bonnie? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Why don't you just trust me for once and give me –" Bonnie began, trying to snatch the bottle again.

"Why should I?" he suddenly yelled. "You told Elena. I told you to leave her out of this! I told you I can't see her!"

"You know you need her in your life! Just stop fighting it!" she yelled back.

"No, I don't! Not anymore! I've lost her and she's lost me. I don't need you or anyone to tell me otherwise!"

He was going to take another swing from his bottle but Bonnie slapped his hand quickly and the bottle smashed on the floor.

"What the hell did you do?" he snapped, pushing her away roughly.

Bonnie didn't see it coming and she was thrown into the opposite cupboard, breaking some old china in the process. She collapsed on the floor loudly.

Stefan's eyes widened as he realized what he had done.

He jumped from the boxes and was at her side in a moment, kneeling down and cradling her in his arms as he lifted her head slightly to see if there was any bleeding.

She was luckily a lot stronger than she looked.

Bonnie tried to push him off, but he insisted on helping her up. His stupor was beginning to fade.

"Bonnie, I'm really sorry, I wasn't thinking –"

"No, you weren't, Stefan. You never seem to think anymore," she muttered, coughing up dust. She felt her back sore from where she'd fallen.

"Where does it hurt? Do you need any blood?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.

Bonnie shook her head in disgust and rested her back against the cupboard.

"Are you okay? Just say something…"

"I don't need anything from you. I just need you to tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Where it hurts, Stefan," she said plainly. "Where _you_'re hurting."

"What?"

"I can see it, but I can't help you if you don't tell me."

"That's…I don't know what you mean," he said, looking sideways.

Bonnie grabbed his arm and pulled him to her.

"Stefan, what happened?"

"It doesn't matter. You don't need to know."

"Why don't you let me decide that?" she asked, her tone softer. "What if I want to know?"

Stefan blinked and shrugged his shoulders. "She'll tell you anyway. If she hasn't already."

Realization dawned on Bonnie. The small line on her forehead melted instantly.

"The kiss. She kissed him."

Stefan nodded his head grimly.

"She kissed my brother," he confirmed.

"Stefan…I know how it looks, but it was just a kiss. You'd been gone for so long, she thought she'd lost you."

"No."

"No?"

"It's not about that, Bonnie. It doesn't matter if it's just a kiss. Don't you get it? He loves her more than he loves me. And Elena…she loves him back. She couldn't _not_ love him. She can finally give him what he wants. It's great, it's actually _great_. Don't you see? He could be so happy, _finally_ happy in so many years. And she could be safe with him."

Bonnie had never felt so close to Stefan, but as she watched him crumble into pieces in front of her, she couldn't help but feel as if her own heart was breaking for him.

"He's always resented me for what Katherine did to us. He's always wanted someone to love him for who he is. And maybe now he can do that. Maybe now he'll stop blaming me. And I'll never have to look back. I'll just leave town with no regrets. Let them be together."

Bonnie frowned, feeling the sting of tears behind her lashes.

"Stop it, Stefan, stop saying such things, stop being so goddamn altruistic, it's not helping anyone! Nobody wants you to leave."

"It would be easier, though, wouldn't it? It would be easier for me too to run off into that great big void I've always dreaded. It's a scary, empty place but now I wouldn't fear it so much."

"Nothing would be worse than you taking off again, for all of us," she said, pressing her palms to his cheeks. " You know it would be selfish and stupid. You know we need you."

"Why do you keep saying that? Why can't you just admit it? Elena did. She told me. She doesn't need me. She doesn't feel guilty. She just wanted me to know. And Damon, Damon wouldn't deny it."

"Does he even know you know?"

"I might have dropped by to give him my thanks," he muttered, smirking slightly and showing his lightly bruised knuckles.

"So you think you're ready to let Elena go if moments ago you punched your brother?"

"It would be the right thing to do, wouldn't it?"

"You haven't lost her, you know? She keeps hoping. No matter what you might think or believe, she's always secretly hoping. It doesn't matter if she kissed your brother."

"It matters if she loves him, Bonnie."

"She loves you both," she argued weakly.

Stefan chuckled softly.

"Elena always hated being compared to Katherine. It wouldn't be fair to do it now, would it?"

Bonnie shook her head stubbornly.

"You haven't lost her to him, a part of her will always -"

"Bonnie. She's lost _me_. She's made her choice. I saw it in her eyes tonight. I _know_ that look."

Bonnie huffed in frustration.

"That's total crap and you know it! You have to fight for her! You can't just expect her to have you back after all the shit you put her through! And you can't just give up because she shared an innocent kiss with the guy who's been helping her all throughout this mess! Who do you think people turn to in time of need? You weren't there, Stefan! But Damon was! He was always with her. Who would you have turned to? If someone's been with you all this time, would you so easily discard them? Would you not feel _anything_? Would you not make a mistake? Despite your better judgment?"

Something about her words hit Stefan hard, right in that place where he'd been shot hours ago, too close to home.

It was probably the insane amounts of alcohol he had gulped down and the mental and physical exhaustion of the day, but behind the blurry image in front of him he saw something real and true he had never been able to seize until now. Weeks of torment and loneliness, of pent-up feelings and inner struggles witnessed only by his decaying psyche, moments of agony spent in silence, the sting of betrayal, loss, love then nothing but an emotionless pit of self-destruction. And now, he was at the bottom of the barrel looking up at his past life where, among many other friends and strangers, Bonnie Bennett occupied such a constant, yet ever shifting position.

For a while now, she'd been the only contact, the only liaison to the real world.

She'd said he wasn't reckless, but she'd been wrong.

Bonnie didn't have time to understand what was happening, because the shock was too great, so when one of his hands moved to her neck and bent her head forward, she did not expect him to lean into her and press his lips to hers.

She kept her eyes wide open.

It was a very short kiss, longer than a peck, but not intimate enough to make her push him away. She felt it in slow motion, as the candles trembled in the pool of light and she saw him blink behind his eyelids. His fingers on her neck trailed upwards across her skin and even after his warm lips drew back, inches away from hers, the fingers kept moving through her hair, twisting the locks senselessly.

Before she could say anything, his head found her shoulder and he pulled her to him in a tight hug.

Bonnie let him circle his arms around her as she awkwardly placed her hands on his shoulder blades. She thought he would either start talking or cry, or both, but he did neither. He just sat like that in silence, almost as if he was sleeping.

"You'll find your way back to her," Bonnie spoke into his shoulder. "You always do."

Stefan had no intention of telling her anything. He knew he would make no sense. He couldn't explain what he'd done or why he'd done it and he couldn't find any reason right now why he shouldn't have done it. It wasn't fair to Bonnie, it wasn't fair to myself, but he didn't want this moment to break, fade and disappear. He didn't want to be swallowed by those dark waters again, he wanted to live, wanted to be saved, to be held and loved.

Maybe he'd leave town, maybe he'd stay.

There was one certainty, only one. Bonnie would still be in his life.


End file.
